


if the night comes, and the night will come

by sashawire



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: (sorry), Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Mentions of canon-typical violence, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-19 01:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22836067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sashawire/pseuds/sashawire
Summary: He was dirtying the pages with his fingers. Bloody smears obscure some of Eiji’s handwriting, neat and loopy and so unbearablehim,and it made Ash’s heart ache to be damaging the last shred of Eiji he had left.Still, he wouldn’t let go of this letter for anything. Foranything.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	if the night comes, and the night will come

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from the song "In Our Bedroom After the War" by Stars.

He was dirtying the pages with his fingers. Bloody smears obscure some of Eiji’s handwriting, neat and loopy and so unbearable  _ him, _ and it made Ash’s heart ache to be damaging the last shred of Eiji he had left.

Still, he wouldn’t let go of this letter for anything. For  _ anything. _

Slumped in the library chair, his abdomen spiked and throbbed like the beating of a drum, but it was nothing. Nothing he couldn’t take. Hadn’t taken before.

His head was getting light. Blood loss. He was going to pass out in a few seconds, and he’d rather not make a scene of it. He rested his head on the table, on top of the letter. Of Eiji’s handwriting.

He was dying.

He wasn’t particularly scared. It could have been because he’d spent the better half of his life just two degrees separated from death at all times. It could have been because he’d gone through the motions of believing he was going to die before, again and again as he stared down the maw of a gun or the flash of a knife or so many other things.

No, it wasn’t that.

It was because there wasn’t anything to be scared  _ of. _ Ash couldn’t think of a better way to die than in this library, in  _ his _ library, holding onto a piece of Eiji’s heart meant only for him.

In his last few seconds of consciousness, Ash let his eyes skim over Eiji’s words again, to soak it in, words and emotions that once upon a time had been incomprehensible to him.

He wondered what it would have been like. If he hadn’t been stabbed. Would he have run to the airport, run like he’d never run before, ticket clenched in fist like a lifeline, and met Eiji there? And Eiji would have lit up like the sunrise on city windows, and Ash would have hugged him like he should’ve done in the hospital that night, like Eiji has done for him so many times before, and… and they could’ve gone to Japan together. And Ash could’ve met Eiji’s little sister, and spoken in American-accented Japanese that would’ve made Eiji laugh, and they could’ve gone sightseeing together in a world where you don’t need guns to survive.

Even thinking about it made him happy, content. He was lucky. Really, really lucky to have met Eiji.

This was a good dream. A good dream, for maybe the first time in his life.

He could feel the paper under his cheek. He couldn’t open his eyes to read the words, but he still replayed them in his head, words he wouldn’t have forgotten even if he’d lived another thousand years.

He clung to Eiji’s message and the dream as the world went grey around him and he was drifting. If he was going to carry anything into wherever he was going, he wanted it to be that feeling. He was… he was…

...Yeah. He was loved. Unconditionally.

**Author's Note:**

> So before I finished Banana Fish, I, being a dumbass, accidentally spoiled myself for the ending. Not in detail, but I knew that Ash was going to die.
> 
> I watched ep 24 fully prepared to be utterly furious. I'm generally one of those 'if it's not a happy/satisfying ending it's not a real ending' types, so you can imagine my anger that Ash, a teenager who has suffered his entire life, doesn't get the ending he deserves. I was ready to write an entire meta as to why the ending was bullshit.
> 
> But as much as I hate to admit it, it was a _beautiful_ ending. And I truly do believe that at that point in his life, if Ash had to choose a way to die, it would have been that. Sitting in his library, thinking of Eiji. Knowing he was loved. So while we may not be living in the best timeline when it comes to ways Banana Fish could have ended, it's not necessarily the worst either.
> 
> Anyway, I've talked enough. My tumblr is @brightwritesstuff.


End file.
